Because Love Wins: Why We Keep Getting Dogs

My best friend of nearly 25 years faced a devastating loss to her animal family last week. She asked me a question that many of us ponder during such difficult times: “Why do we keep doing this to ourselves?”

 

This question resonates with anyone who has ever experienced heartbreak, felt the emptiness of a familiar collar, or sat in a quiet room after a beloved pet has gone. Why do we keep getting dogs? Why do we continue to open our hearts to animals whose lifespans are so painfully short, fully aware that grief will follow?

 

We Keep Getting Dogs Because Love Is Worth It

Just a few months after losing my beautiful black Labrador, Tinkerbell, my response was the same as it has always been: the time we spend with our pets is worth it, even knowing the pain of loss we will ultimately face.

 

The relationship that we have with animals is a unique experience. When we get them as puppies or kittens, we watch them go from infants to senior citizens. They depend on us for everything, but unlike human children, they do not grow up and become independent. They don’t get their own places and move out, they depend on us for their entire lives in ever changing ways. 

 

They are a constant presence in our homes. Again, unlike our human kids, they don’t go to friends’ houses without us, or take a bus to school…unless your dog is one of those lucky ones I see on social media riding in a school bus. 

 

We are often truly ourselves with our pets, when we might hold back parts of our personalities with some humans. My dogs have seen me laughing uncontrollably, they have seen me ugly crying, and everything in between. And their response is the same: happy to be with me. 

 

Once we have experienced this type of love with a dog, it’s something we find we cannot live without. 

 

Tennyson famously wrote, 

 

“I hold it true, whate’er befall;  

I feel it when I sorrow most; 

 ‘Tis better to have loved and lost  

Than never to have loved at all.”

 

I genuinely believe this. No matter how much it has torn my heart out when each one of my dogs has passed away, I cannot imagine my life without a single one of them. 

We Keep Getting Dogs Because Humans Aren’t Meant to Be Alone

Throughout millions of years of history, we have sought companionship from both people and animals, not only for survival but also for comfort, joy, and meaning. This is why wolves joined us around the campfire, trading their wildness for warmth.

 

Our animals don’t just coexist with us; they shape our daily lives. They teach us how to be present, love unconditionally, and appreciate the ordinary moments—like a morning stretch, a shared snack, or a quiet check-in when we’re feeling sad.

 

When they leave us, it hurts deeply. They are never “just a pet”; they are family. They are our heartbeat companions, the ones who saw us at our worst and stayed by our side regardless.

 

Today, on my social media pages, I shared a quote from Aristotle: “Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.” When Jackson passed away, I often said it felt as though part of my own soul had been ripped from me. When Tink died, I honestly lost my best friend, my ride-or-die in a dog body. 

 

I’ve encountered a less eloquent quote on a meme that resonates with many people: “You say it’s just a dog, and I say you’re just an asshole.” Dogs are never “just” dogs; they are an integral part of our daily lives, and their loss leaves a massive, gaping hole.

What If Dogs Lived As Long As We Do?

Sometimes, I find myself pondering what it would be like if dogs had the same lifespan as humans. What if my childhood dog, Snoop, were still with me? I might never have met all the other dogs that came after her. If I hadn’t loved and lost Jackson, would I have Quill sleeping next to me, snoring gently after our mid-morning walk? While no one can ever replace my sassy, quirky Tinkerbell, my heart remains open and ready for the puppy or dog she sends my way.

 

My maternal grandmother passed away when she was only 54. My grandparents shared a true love story, complete with a delightful 1940s-style meet-cute and three decades of happily married life. My mom often recalls how my grandmother told my grandfather that after she died, she wanted him to remarry because “he was too good a husband to go to waste.”

 

I share this sentiment with many of my friends when they lose their pets, adjusting it to reflect that they are too good as dog or cat owners to go without a companion. There are other animals out there who need us, and we shouldn’t close our hearts or our homes to them. My grandfather did remarry, spending another 20+ years with the second love of his life, just the same way we have experienced live with the pets our late pets sent to us. 

If You’re Grieving, I See You

If you are reading this and have recently experienced a loss, know that I see you and understand your pain. I still have some of Tink’s everyday items that I haven’t had the heart to put away yet. I donated her unopened food and medications right away, but her crate is still set up, the open bag of food she was eating remains, and all of her medications are still here.

 

In many ways, it feels as if she could walk right through the front door, and everything would be ready for her to resume her place in our lives. Just like when Jackson passed, the ease with which she could just come home like nothing happened reminds me of the Springsteen lyrics from “You’re Missing”: “Your house is waiting for you to walk in, but you’re missing.”

 

I understand the agony of losing a beloved animal. I usually pour all my attention into the remaining dog. When Dutch died, I leaned into Maggie. When Maggie died, Jax received all the love I could give. After Jax’s passing, Tinkerbell and I mourned together. Now, with Tink’s passing, Quill gets my undivided attention. Whether that is a healthy coping mechanism or not, I’m not sure. But I know that with each new dog comes a new relationship, new bonds, and new joy. 

 

Whether you have another dog at home or plan to wait for your next one to join your family, it is perfectly okay and normal to feel all the hard emotions. It’s the only way through the pain. I say this as someone who loves dogs, not as an expert on grief. I am not a substitute for a therapist or a professional. However, journaling my raw emotions and recalling the good times has been helpful. Memorial tattoos have also provided comfort.

 

Talk to them as if they can hear you. While I am not a grief counselor, I do talk to my dogs as if they can listen. One day, while I was sitting on the stairs to my deck talking to Jax, a cardinal flew to the nearest tree. On the day Tinkerbell passed away, I was playing with Quill in the yard when a black butterfly began to flutter all around us. I had never seen a black butterfly in our yard before, but I started spotting it frequently in the months that followed.

 

Time will pass, no matter what we do. Grief will lessen, memories will settle, and love—if we allow it—will make its way back into our lives. In a blog filled with quotes, I believe Jimmy Buffett deserves credit for this one: “Tomorrow may come; it usually does. Don’t know what it will bring to the two of us.” 

 

It’s perfectly acceptable to hope that Tomorrow includes another dog or cat who we will love as much as the pets who left us. Doing so doesn’t diminish the bond we had with the pet we lost; in fact, it’s a testament to that connection and our longing to experience that love once again.